The losing side I play
November 25, 2006
genevive
By: Saeyun
It’s been awhile since I last wrote a decent article. The last time I wrote one was during Valentines Day. Okay, not quite that day. I think it was two days before that special day. I was writing a “love” article, but it’s nothing romantic, I tell you. I was simply stating a love that God gave us and why whine on not having a date when you can simply have one with Him. Believe me, it was one of the best articles that I wrote. Even my classmates commend me for it!
Anyway, I have to get away with that thought for a bit. And don’t worry, I am not going to dwell on that. Since most of the “Sticky Media” people read this blog, and I guess you guys figured it out about what happened with my previous relationship. To make myself feel better, I had to let it all out. Let’s just say, writing this one is kinda my therapy, okay? After all, this is a “love” blog, right?
At first, it was really okay for me to be friends with him. Although a lot of people warned me about staying away from him after what happened (you guys get the drift, right? But if not, then keep guessing), but in the end, I decided against it and still hang out with him.
I told myself that we’re friends now. Just friends. Every time we’re together, and even though we’re not a couple anymore, I kept reminding myself that we’re friends. I really told myself that it wouldn’t be so bad to be acquainted and be on good terms with your ex. After all, we’re all human. Everyone makes mistakes.
I had to eat my words a week later after our break up. I really thought I could move on, still keep in touch with him, and stay friends. How wrong I was when just yesterday, I finally cried in front of him. I swallowed my pride just because of what I felt, and showed him my vulnerable side. I finally asked him if there is a possibility that we can get back together. But sad to say, he didn’t acknowledge my feelings.
For a moment, I felt pitiful, ashamed, and a fool for acting that way. Why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut so that things would still be the same? Why did I utter those words in front of him when I know from the start we couldn’t really get back together? But it’s too late now. What’s done is done.
I know (or I just assumed that you know) that some of you may think I’m a foolish girl for being like this. Maybe one of you may say, “This girl really is a crazy for crying in front of the guy. That guy is not worth her tears.” Truthfully, I don’t have a defense on that. But I just want to let you know that I love him, or rather, I loved him. No matter how short our relationship was, but those moments were precious and meaningful to me.
I remember a good friend of mine saying that it doesn’t matter if that guy, or girl, didn’t love you back. What matters most is that you learned how to love a person, regardless if your love was returned or not. And you know what? I might actually agree on my friend. That person may never acknowledge my love, and he may never know how much he means to me. If he did, then he didn’t care a thing about it. But I never regretted loving him. After all, when you’re in love, you either win or lose. In my case, I lost.
I have been thinking lately about what I’m missing after the break-up. Maybe its time for me to get on with my life. I think it’s now right time for me to move on and pick up where I left off. I have to start once again and do things what I usually did before he barged into my life. And lastly, love myself.
Finally… finally! Tomorrow, I can face the new day with a smile and say “I’m free!”
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
18 Comments Add your own
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <pre> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to comments via RSS Feed
1.
RapIRaP | November 25, 2006 at 6:06 pm
What matters most is that you had shown how you could truly love someone else. It attests to how strong your personality is. Never mind if people don’t empathize with what you feel. It’s what makes you contented that’s important at the moment. Maybe you could find the real one that’s meant your love. Life is but a journey and this is just one of the trials which comes your way. Believe on what you love. Express how you really love someone even if he won’t love you back that much. It’s your expression of true love which will amaze people. A strong character always wins.
2.
RapIRaP | November 25, 2006 at 6:07 pm
Uh, huh?
3.
rdc | November 25, 2006 at 6:09 pm
penny, it doesnt matter how many times you fall, or how many times yor heart broke, all that matter is that how courageous you get up and face every challenge you have encountered and may encounter along your way to completeness, just keep on shining and keep those eyes open and smilin.
4.
Jerome Clam | November 25, 2006 at 6:10 pm
I am with you in your deepest moment of moving on. Well life most of the time is indeed ironical, we don’t usually get things that make us happy. I times I doubt God’s love, yet I realized His wisdom behind all the things that transpired in our lives. Let’s just leave everything to Him, and that includes our love life. He knows your perfect match, don’t settle your self with just your present one. Im pretty God has prepared someone worthy for your sincere and true love, and that person will definitely recognize your feelings as you deem it to be recognized by him. You are wonderful Pen, trust Him. All these things now are just a test. Lov yah Pen. Cheer Up! Its not the end of the world yet! God’s bless you.
5.
bang | November 25, 2006 at 6:21 pm
AJA!!! That’s life.. ponder on this –> “pain and sorrow go hand in hand with true love, for love is never ideal but real so dont even wonder what heartaches are for.” remeber the song IRIS? “you bleed just to know your alive…” It tells you your alive. that’s it….ahahahhaha. I’m glad to hear that though it hurts a lot. well, you gotta move on girl. move… lihok bah … kiay2..lakaw2.. aheheh btaw move on.. one last thing, atleast you tried which makes me think you’re stronger than most of the girls.
6.
shing | November 25, 2006 at 6:26 pm
penny it’s better to love & lost, than never love at all! ang mahalaga lng naman ay yung nagmahal ka & at one point naging masaya ka kasama sya…d bale ng nasaktan ka, total naging masaya ka naman…kung ayaw nya na, cge lng…you will be okay, kasi wala naman sya sa buhay mo dati ah! ok ka naman nun…so, isipin mo na lng kinain na sya ng monster!hehehe kidding aside..just be strong, u cry hanggat kaya mo…after that, stand up, pick urself up…& move on…madali lng sabihin yun, alam ko mahirap gawin..kaya nga u have friends to help you & support you girl.PRAY. & be happy pretty girl!
God Bless.
7.
sarasvati | November 25, 2006 at 6:29 pm
dear saeyun, i know youre made up of: strength, brains, beauty and heart. well, you certainly made good use and combination of all four this time!=) hey, i know you’ll get thru it. i just hope he realizes his loss, and your ultimate win.
8.
wayne | November 25, 2006 at 6:48 pm
Kinsa ka naa? atu ipa kulata, hik hik hik – pa blind… bitaw serious… Loving someone can give us the greatest joy we can ever know but it can also hurt us more than we can ever believe. If we love someone we should be ready to experience not only happiness but heartache as well. That’s the reward and risk that it takes. Unless we are willing to experience it, we will never really know what it’s like to love and be loved. as what everybody says: MOVE ON, its the best thing you can do. No other way but to move forward. Love yourself first, if not, you will be hurting yourself again and again. Trust me, been there a lot of times. Time really heals the pain inside. As for now, find yourself, do those things you havent done when youre committed. Strengthen your friendship, further your career, develop your interest, do your life the way you want it to be. Stop crying, it wont help. It will just make the situation worst and loose your self-esteem. Instead embrace all the experiences you had with this guy. Besides breaking up with someone doesnt mean you have to forget and hate the person. Life has a neverending lessons to learn, one of it is this so be thankful. Do my advices because God helps to those who help themselves, okey? alright.
9.
traydorjourn | November 26, 2006 at 12:06 pm
everybody seem to be so consoling pens…i’ll give you a different point of view, THE journpipz point of view…”Maybe one of you may say, “This girl really is a crazy for crying in front of the guy. That guy is not worth her tears.” “—no i wont tell you that, i’d so I TOLD YOU SO… “At first, it was really okay for me to be friends with him.”—how in the world could you even consider making friends to someone who didn’t treat you right, friends don’t hurt each other less make their friend ‘look’ pathetic; unless you still hope for a reconciliation… i’m not telling you not to make friends with him anymore, but at this point in time, when u’re still hurting, you can’t move on and pick the pieces of urself. but oh well, who am i to tell you all these, i’ve been inlove, and am very inlove ryt now..so i guess i’d just glare my eyes over, and wait for God’s time for you to move on (with or without him)…Yet if you consider another option, you may either BURY OR BURN him…nyeheheh..ciao..
10.
love_agnostic | November 27, 2006 at 12:08 am
Life goes on…so must you. After pondering on the past, whatifs, and all – go on. Remember everything eventually turns out for the best. So – make yourself ever more beautiful and party on, girl! There are a lot of fish in the sea. Swim on and explore the ocean! (Watch out for the jellyfish-types, though. Beautiful creatures they may be but sting pretty badly.)
11.
Chuva ek-ek | November 27, 2006 at 12:22 am
Saeyun, sayon ra kaayo na… hehehe…
Move on, go out there and get a date. I think that’s the best advice anyone can give.
12.
bongbo | November 27, 2006 at 12:48 am
I have here lost love quotes for you, and just relate in this quotes. “A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.” I’ve been like you before and I though I can’t recover those pains I felt. But I was wrong. Move on girl. Take as a experience and I assure you will be stronger and a better person. And trust God, He has a plans for each one of us.
13.
mehgirl | November 27, 2006 at 10:13 am
u know what girl?we have the same story i know all of girl can relate on ur story .. girl Cheer up..:)as what i did..u know its nice to be free and single again..u can realize such thing..
14.
lotte | November 28, 2006 at 5:37 am
yeah! your freedom lies in you…eventhough you lost in the battle, the battle made you win…you win a grip of strength to stand up for a real freedom!!!!!yeah….you’re truly one of the strong person ive known. and I salute you for that girl!
15.
babyfats | November 28, 2006 at 4:48 pm
A guy is not a man if he hurts a woman! So dont be sad..maybe he’s gay! lol…be strong girl! its not the end of the world. and im glad youve come to this point where you’ve experienced too much pain! and i hope it will be worse pain ever! dwell on!
16.
Cutie Beast | November 28, 2006 at 8:35 pm
Hello guys, please visit
17.
Boy George | May 24, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Oh wait. Yes, I have. I’m sorry, but I just don’t have it in me right now to type it all out again. Besides, it was just ramblings anyway. You didn’t want to hear me go on and on about this, right?
18.
mzteaza | March 25, 2008 at 9:26 am
wow, i looked up the word kilig in google and found your blog site! similar to mine in layout and content been through similar things too! im filipina too! xxx keep up the good blogs