Have you ever felt this way, where you are in love but then you don’t want to be in love?

I can’t stop thinking of him, I can’t sleep, can’t think of anything else but him. I don’t know why this is happening but one thing’s for sure, they call it “in Love”. Most people want this kind of feeling, because when you are in love you are happy. But I don’t want to be in love because I don’t want to for some personal reasons, I know I am but I want to stay away with that matter. I love him so much, but I still don’t know what will happen in the future. It’s something that is indescribable. I love being with him, doing stuff with him. But I don’t want to be in love with him. Maybe I am just insecure about everything.

I asked some of my colleagues about this and these are what they have advice and said about the topic:

Michelle said:

chelle go: yeah..because the person is not deserving for the love you feel for him
Gen: why do you think so?
chelle go: because he was not the right guy for me….
Gen: how did you know he wasnt the right guy for you?
chelle go: hmmm…let say that he can’t meet with the standard you have and loving him means that you will only hurt yourself
Gen: what standards?
Gen: does love have standards?
chelle go: yeah for me..

I really didn’t get her point, but thanks anyways…

Penny and I had something though and here it is:

Gen: have you ever been inlove but you dont want to be inlove?
penny : ha??
Gen: just answer that question
Gen: im gonna put it on my blog
penny: does this question makes sense?
penny: joke
penny: lemme see
penny: nope
penny: the answer is nope
Gen: good for you
penny: never had that feeling though
penny: hahah
penny: but really, it doesn’t make sense
Gen: why?
penny: i dunno
penny: that’s just how i think it is
Gen: okay
penny: maybe you fell in love, but its with the wrong person
penny: maybe that’s it
penny: its like you’re loving a wrong person or something
penny: okay.. im blabbering.. enuff about this
penny: hahah i don’t make sense.. so ignore this!
penny: i’m just a bit fucked up
Gen: i am feeling this way now…
penny: ohhh i see
penny: hahah maybe that’s why you’re thinking such thoughts
penny: hahah
Gen: and i just dont know what to do
penny: ohh
penny: i see
Gen: i am so disturbed
Gen: i need advices
penny: what makes that guy not worth loving?
penny: really?
Gen: and everythings
Gen: i guess because he is too much for me
penny: ohhh i see
penny: you feel like you dont deserve the guy?
penny: or is it something else?
Gen: no its not that way…
penny: ohhh okay……….
Gen: he is this boy next door type..a varsity player in high school and college…
penny: ohh
penny: and?
Gen: he is good looking..
penny: and ?
Gen: i am insecure
penny: what does his looks have to do with your feelings?
Gen: because i know guys like him just makes girls cry…
penny: really, what does his looks have to do with you being insecure and asking yourself if you deserve the guy
Gen: you know what i mean right?
penny: ohhh i see
penny: mmm just because of his “outer self” you generalize him as the
penny: person who will make girls cry?
Gen: i told him about this but then he just seems to ignore it…you know guys..
Gen: they will make you feel pretty and all
penny: ohh i see
penny: what about his personality?
penny: does his personality counts as a good boyfriend material?
penny: or does he have a shitty attitude
Gen: well one thing is that he lied to me about his name…though we have talked about it and settled things..but i think that is one factor that made me feel this way now
Gen: no he is some kinda having this shitty attitude though at times…
penny: okay.. first, lying i sbad
penny: is bad
penny: lying about his name may not be the only thing he’s hiding
penny: but he may also hide some other things from you
penny: ditch the guy
penny: really
penny: im telling you
penny: and if he does have an attitude problem, then he’s not worth it
penny: he may lie about his name, but he can lie to some other things
Gen: but the problem is i cant i love him so much already
penny: you get my point?
penny: you can’t love him?
Gen: i know that
penny: ahhh i see
Gen: no..i cant ditch him…because i love him so much already
penny: i see i get it
penny: well, so what’s keeping you from loving him if you already know the answer
Gen: we have talked about it..and he has apologized about it and meant it…
Gen: we did talked about serious stuff

penny: if you love the guy despite his attitude.. then go for it
Gen: i dont know
Gen: i want to stop thinking of him
penny: ohh then think of work
Gen: it will just ruin my day
penny: hahah
penny: den dont think of the guy
penny: hahah
penny: that’s plain easy!
penny: hahahha
Gen: its not that easy as you may think it is
Gen: come on penny..
penny: ok im just lighting up the mood
Gen: youve been there before
penny: haha okay
penny: really…
penny: if u like the guy that much then go for it
penny: no one’s stopping you
Gen: i know that..i am stopping myself though
penny: even if if i say you’ll ditch the guy with a bad-ass attitude (which i think he has) but i guess you’ll still like the guy
penny: so really
penny: go for it
Gen: okay..
penny: but here’s the thing: no regrets
Gen: well i just wish there is someway i can stop thinking of him
penny: dont regret if you made the decision
penny: oki doki?
penny: think of work
penny: hahaha
Gen: not work
Gen: other guys instead
Gen: anyways thanks penny…