How does these three relate to each other?

Hmmmm… Well for me I think they’re related in a sense that when you love someone, you get to have sex with him or her. And when you get sex at times you’ll really feel lust on you. So I think they’re related to each other.  lol..I don’t know what I’m talking about…OMG!

Falling in love with a hot guy and not feeling good about it is just not gonna work. My boyfriend is a basketball player. A varsity player when he was in high school and college. I just hate the feeling of being insecure. And I really don’t want to feel worried about anything. I do love him. But at times i just can’t help but think that he have another girl, or is dating another girl or girls… He is just too much for me to handle…I just want to forget about him and get on with my life.

He had so many lies to me, and i just knew about it because of my friends. I was so mad at him when I found out about it. Don’t worry he is not married. He lied about his name. OMG! I was so so so mad at him that time, I confronted him about it and he said he was sorry but after that I don’t know if I should still be believing in whatever he tells me about himself.

It was near Valentines day, and i asked him if he would buy flowers for his girlfriend. He said he would but then asked if his girlfriend wont mind if he buys him flowers. So I said what kind of girl would that be if he wont appreciate the flowers you’re gonna be giving her. On that weekend we decided to meet up and get a drink. I asked him again if he is gonna buy the flowers, he said his girlfriend might not like it, I said why not? He said because you’re my girlfriend and I’m going to give you the flowers you’re selling me. And I was like Oh what? I thought I am not your girlfriend, he told me before on text that I am his girlfriend but I thought it was just girl friend. Not a lover. but anyways, we talked about future and he said he will wait for me and I just don’t know if I could really do it. I wish he is gonna be my hubby but I think its just gonna be a dream. Oh rock! I wish i can really have you! I’d be so happy to have you forever.

I’ve been holding on to a relationship that I know that will never have a guarantee that it will work out. We were friends for two years before we became lovers. It was all fun for the first two or three months. and after that it became complicated to handle. There are so many quotes I know about love. But none I ever manage to keep. I always try to hold on with our relationship, even if its the last thing i should be doing. Several months have passed again and still I’m trying to hold into the relationship I want to work out. It never is easy if you’re the only one holding on, while the other keeps on bragging about parting ways. He is mostly hot headed and high pride. I am always the one trying to make him calm and always patient to make things go as easy as it should be. Not until today that I realize I need to think about myself and to really let him go. It was never that easy. I cried and cried and cried because I don’t want to loose him but then it’s way too much. For two days we didn’t talked nor message each other. And when he texted me a message about love and friendship. I replied to him saying that I am thankful for everything he’ve done for me and for whatever reason i should be thankful about him. He told me he is going online so i said okay let’s chat and see each other on cam. At first I thought it was over for me crying but when I saw his face. I found myself crying. He calms me down but I don’t know why tears just fall that much. after 30 minutes we bid our goodbyes and then he called me and he cried. He said he was sorry to hurt me a lot of times and that he still love me so much and missed me a lot. I told him it’s okay I understand, I just have one favor to ask. Don’t leave me, even just as a friend.

For now we still constantly chat and talk on phone, it’s as if we are still on with each other. We still say I love you’s and I miss you’s to each other. He still calls me baby and i still call him that.  I  just hope that in time I will handle when he will really be gone not forever but as my loved one.

When you loose someone so dear to you, you’re never sure of how you are going to react or what you should feel.

It was Sunday night when my cousin asked me if I have talked or been with our friend Sam last friday and saturday. I told my cousin no and asked her why she’s asking me that question. She said he has been missing since friday night. I said how come he’s been missing and his car is still where it has been parked since friday night. No one really have any idea how and where he might be.

Tuesday night I was at the mall with my friend joven, one of my cousin texted me that they have heard from the news that sam was being held kidnap-for-ransom. So it was like thank God he is alive and that it’s just a kidnap for ransom incident. I was at ease at that point of time.

T’was 9:00 o’clock in the evening and someone was knocking at the door, it was my cousin. I was calmly telling her that our cousin texted me that she heard from the radio that sam was kidnapped. She told me he was found in Iligan. I said is he okay and when is he coming back. She said, Yvonne and Lito (Sam’s brother) is at cosmo iligan now, I asked huh? what do you mean? “Sam is dead he was shot in the head.” I was like OMG (Oh My God!) I just couldnt believe that he is dead.

He was one of my best buddies. Even though he was a pest at times but I do appreciate his friendship and companion. I will never forget SAMSON HAO. He is a friend who will always be remembered. Thank you for everything Sam. We all love you so much. All the DC people wont forget how great you are and how you have marked our hearts. We hope that justice will prevail with your death.

Goodbye and may God Bless you!

Have you ever felt this way, where you are in love but then you don’t want to be in love?

I can’t stop thinking of him, I can’t sleep, can’t think of anything else but him. I don’t know why this is happening but one thing’s for sure, they call it “in Love”. Most people want this kind of feeling, because when you are in love you are happy. But I don’t want to be in love because I don’t want to for some personal reasons, I know I am but I want to stay away with that matter. I love him so much, but I still don’t know what will happen in the future. It’s something that is indescribable. I love being with him, doing stuff with him. But I don’t want to be in love with him. Maybe I am just insecure about everything.

I asked some of my colleagues about this and these are what they have advice and said about the topic:

Michelle said:

chelle go: yeah..because the person is not deserving for the love you feel for him
Gen: why do you think so?
chelle go: because he was not the right guy for me….
Gen: how did you know he wasnt the right guy for you?
chelle go: hmmm…let say that he can’t meet with the standard you have and loving him means that you will only hurt yourself
Gen: what standards?
Gen: does love have standards?
chelle go: yeah for me..

I really didn’t get her point, but thanks anyways…

Penny and I had something though and here it is:

Gen: have you ever been inlove but you dont want to be inlove?
penny : ha??
Gen: just answer that question
Gen: im gonna put it on my blog
penny: does this question makes sense?
penny: joke
penny: lemme see
penny: nope
penny: the answer is nope
Gen: good for you
penny: never had that feeling though
penny: hahah
penny: but really, it doesn’t make sense
Gen: why?
penny: i dunno
penny: that’s just how i think it is
Gen: okay
penny: maybe you fell in love, but its with the wrong person
penny: maybe that’s it
penny: its like you’re loving a wrong person or something
penny: okay.. im blabbering.. enuff about this
penny: hahah i don’t make sense.. so ignore this!
penny: i’m just a bit fucked up
Gen: i am feeling this way now…
penny: ohhh i see
penny: hahah maybe that’s why you’re thinking such thoughts
penny: hahah
Gen: and i just dont know what to do
penny: ohh
penny: i see
Gen: i am so disturbed
Gen: i need advices
penny: what makes that guy not worth loving?
penny: really?
Gen: and everythings
Gen: i guess because he is too much for me
penny: ohhh i see
penny: you feel like you dont deserve the guy?
penny: or is it something else?
Gen: no its not that way…
penny: ohhh okay……….
Gen: he is this boy next door type..a varsity player in high school and college…
penny: ohh
penny: and?
Gen: he is good looking..
penny: and ?
Gen: i am insecure
penny: what does his looks have to do with your feelings?
Gen: because i know guys like him just makes girls cry…
penny: really, what does his looks have to do with you being insecure and asking yourself if you deserve the guy
Gen: you know what i mean right?
penny: ohhh i see
penny: mmm just because of his “outer self” you generalize him as the
penny: person who will make girls cry?
Gen: i told him about this but then he just seems to ignore it…you know guys..
Gen: they will make you feel pretty and all
penny: ohh i see
penny: what about his personality?
penny: does his personality counts as a good boyfriend material?
penny: or does he have a shitty attitude
Gen: well one thing is that he lied to me about his name…though we have talked about it and settled things..but i think that is one factor that made me feel this way now
Gen: no he is some kinda having this shitty attitude though at times…
penny: okay.. first, lying i sbad
penny: is bad
penny: lying about his name may not be the only thing he’s hiding
penny: but he may also hide some other things from you
penny: ditch the guy
penny: really
penny: im telling you
penny: and if he does have an attitude problem, then he’s not worth it
penny: he may lie about his name, but he can lie to some other things
Gen: but the problem is i cant i love him so much already
penny: you get my point?
penny: you can’t love him?
Gen: i know that
penny: ahhh i see
Gen: no..i cant ditch him…because i love him so much already
penny: i see i get it
penny: well, so what’s keeping you from loving him if you already know the answer
Gen: we have talked about it..and he has apologized about it and meant it…
Gen: we did talked about serious stuff

penny: if you love the guy despite his attitude.. then go for it
Gen: i dont know
Gen: i want to stop thinking of him
penny: ohh then think of work
Gen: it will just ruin my day
penny: hahah
penny: den dont think of the guy
penny: hahah
penny: that’s plain easy!
penny: hahahha
Gen: its not that easy as you may think it is
Gen: come on penny..
penny: ok im just lighting up the mood
Gen: youve been there before
penny: haha okay
penny: really…
penny: if u like the guy that much then go for it
penny: no one’s stopping you
Gen: i know that..i am stopping myself though
penny: even if if i say you’ll ditch the guy with a bad-ass attitude (which i think he has) but i guess you’ll still like the guy
penny: so really
penny: go for it
Gen: okay..
penny: but here’s the thing: no regrets
Gen: well i just wish there is someway i can stop thinking of him
penny: dont regret if you made the decision
penny: oki doki?
penny: think of work
penny: hahaha
Gen: not work
Gen: other guys instead
Gen: anyways thanks penny…

Have you lost someone so dear to you? I just recently lost my GRANDMOTHER, the one who took care of me when i was just a few days old because my parents were fighting because of jealousy of my mom! I can still remember all the things ive done and felt everytime im with my grandmother, even when way back 15 years ago when my grandFATHER was still alive, i can still recall when i was with them for a week and when its time to sleep, my grandMOM always put everything on place for me, the pillows, the HABOL, because in TALISAYAN its cold early in the morning, but i never felt that shivering feeling, my grands always joke on me that i should sleep outside the house to really feel the coldness of the weather there. I just can remember how poor my grands were. I had so many memories with them. Even when im doing this blog i cant help but cry. Tears just fell like water flowing from the faucet. I felt so bad when my grandmother died last week. it was a terrible loss for me because i love her so much. I got so many plans for her in the future. how i just wish i can stop that time of her dying. She means a lot to me and i just cant believe that shes gone. theres no more reason why ill go to TALISAYAN in unimportant dates.The last time i was with her was last HOLY WEEK when i went there with CATHY, APRIL, and MANANG…I always see MAMA happy everytime she sees me…and im sorry MAMA for not appreciating that time.MAMA i will never forget you and you reciting the rosary every 6pm and 6am daily and ill never forget what youve done for me… MAMA i love you so much and im sorry for everything that i wasnt able to do for you… I hope youre happy now with PAPA LALOy.THanks For EVEryThINg… MAMA i will miss you so much, i just hope TIYO RUEL will be able to know about your death soon! MAMA may you rest in peace and harmony in the presence of the LORD…I will pray for you always…

Has a person told you to choose from lover or friends? I believe most has experienced that kind of thing, specially when you’re too close with your friends and at the same time your lover… Doesn’t it seem sweet when your lover gets jealous, but never good when he/she gets jealous with your friends. I mean come on, friends are always there for you…Mine are, i hope you have the same friends like mine..lol…But LOVERS never tend to give much comfort, maybe for others but most LOVERS are just missing the concept of “I need you now because i feel alone, I need you now because i need you.. No questions asked..” sometimes friends are irritating, specially when your friends are the kind who just want to get drunk all the time..or just want to have fun most of the time.. Me and my friends ussually balance our time from work and fun..before school and fun! LOL…char PRofessional nami! whew..sometimes we overdo things which makes things from best to worst..Some people really dont know how to define FRIENDS… I hope you’re not one of them! Ive been through thick and thin with my friends…(e.g. ean: nasumbagan, joven: nagipit-naholdup-nailad, cathy-heartache. carl-new career, apple-family, pacita-lovelife, and many others…LOL) but never in my life did i think of rejecting my friends…they will always be my friends..I actually got lots and lots of friends. Most are close to me. and if ill name them one by one you’ll be spending 2 hours reading this blog! LOLWROTF (Laughs Out Loud While Rolling On The Floor) Even though time would be different somehow we will always stay the same, we will still be friends..beware of your plastic friends…they’ll ruin your life..and a little advice to those people… SCREW YOU!!!

Do you still remember when was the first time you fell in love? or had a crush? or had an MU at school or elsewhere?

Well you’ll be surprised if ill tell you i still remember who was my first crush, where and why i liked that guy! not knowing he was my cousin! hahahaha… yeah we both liked each other or we call that MU (murag unggoy) hahahaha… so i was 7 years old that time, so what? naa koy right oi! bisan bata naa right maka crush! atleast crush rato..hahahaha!

So much for that! when i reached high school i had my first suitor, before that courting thing i liked that guy, but when he courted me, i was like ewwwww… i dont like you anymore..though when he said the L word my heartbeat was as fast as the ticking of the clock…diba nice ang feeling..pero murag unsa mani oi! kulbaan man ko! hahahahha…laina au adto na feeling oi!..hehehe…hadlok sad ta…

When i graduate from high school i never had a boyfriend, but when i went for a vacation at my grannies place, there i met this young guy! younger than i am like 2 years i guess, and before he formally courted me i didnt really get this feeling of love for him, but when i went home and received a letter from him, i felt like he was someone i want to be with for the rest of my life. and then after several months later i went back to my grannies and there we became lovers ( uyab na daw mi) ehehehehe… i loved him jud…bisan bata pako..hahaha…wala pakoy buot ug uban pa…pero tinoud ang among relationship! serious galore mi! he didnt want me to go back home but i have to..skwela baya ko..para sa atong future..hahahha… after two days back in cdo i was really happy to see him with my cousin.. wow akong knight in shining armor, hahahaha..grabe kaau ko ka happy that time… we went to places and he was with me most of the time, uban siya sako sa school, sa party sakong friends and other stuff. happy jud mi..PDA pa jud mi! bwahahahah..hangal2 na kabayo! hehehehe… sad thing was he was going back to Talisayan na after that time so we just have to let go of each other…

after him i had other bf’s na dayon! i was hurt, stabbed at the center of my heart… pero sa iya ra jud ko nihilak nga ass in for two days…after that i promised not to cry anymore for a guy! so i did pero na break na sya sa akong bf from zamboanga, i tried na maserious balik sa relationship, but he was so immature, so i have to let go…na emotional ko during our relationship especially our break up! grabe jud, but then we are still friends now… most of my bf’s friends jud gyapon nako! thats the nice thing there…

Right now, im afraid to love again, im afraid that id be hurt again! kapoy naman gud..sige hilak..though how would you know if you wont try…pero sige ka try samot kag kabuang ani! hahahahaha…for now im just waiting for the right guy nalang jud…naa na unta right guy..pero dili na pwede…grabe ka sakit pero i cant do anything jud…except kung …haaha….yaw nalang..hehehehe….JOHN? ambot dili paman ko ready mo commit oi! hadlok ko, especially he is one of the guys next door type raba…hadlok ko na useless lang gyapon akong tears para niya…pero he is good to me, dli pa lang jud ko ready to commit with him…i hope na if ever maready ko..kadto na jud siya..its so hard to face another relationship and i would just end up crying and waiting again for another guy!

hahay, ka emote ba oi! alang man sad akong mga music kay mga mellow, love songs… haller…theres just no easy way to break somebody’s heart…unsa naman ni oi! hehehehe…love of my life pa jud ni jim brickman! saon nalang ni! lami ihikog..hahahha..hopefully ihatag na ni lord ang guy for me…not soon..pero the time na ready nako!

i hope napulutan niyo ng aral ang story ko! hehehehehe… maalaala or magpakailanman…hahahahhaha …chge kay mouli nako! kapoy nako sakong training..hehehehe…asa man tong mga friends nako oi!…

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